I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
