oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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