some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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