You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
