Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
