Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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