I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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