I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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