I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
