I cannot find my penis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
