I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
