i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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