you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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