i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
