Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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