I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
