I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
