how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
