Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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