You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
