She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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