Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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