I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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