isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
