Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize