he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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