I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
