she was so not down for the gang bang
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
