Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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