i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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