I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
