so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
