R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
