I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
