fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
vagina is talking i cant
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
