He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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