I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
