My sheets look like a crime scene.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
