When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
