her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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