He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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