I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
