Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
