its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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