I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
