Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize