I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
