Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize