this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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