matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
