It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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