Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
