if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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