I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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