I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you traded sex for a burrito?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he was CRYING into my vagina
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
