ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
