I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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