nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
