My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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