Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
