they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
