wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
