when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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