that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got inside last night via doggy door
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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