i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
