I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
