Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
