literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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