The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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