I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
