I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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