I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize