I want to make a zoo with you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
